Two weeks ago, we ‘celebrated’ our 1 month-iversary. It was really nothing… more like around noon I mentioned that it’d officially been one month that we’d been dating. And there was our celebration…
I wrote this long, involved, emotionally-draining post about you. About how much I love you, how much you’ve changed me for the better. How completely lucky I am to simply know you and have you in my life..
And then, one day I went to go work on it, and it was gone. GONE.
I cried… Well, not really cried, but I whined to you about how I’d worked so hard and to have it all disappear…
You hugged me, kissed me, told me that everything was okay…
And you probably, eventually told me to get the hell over it… you know, eventually.
That’s the thing about you, baby. You always tell me what I need to hear. Sometimes you give me sympathy.. but sometimes you’re that kick in the ass that I admittedly often times need.
I don’t know how you do it. I often wonder how you remain such an amazing person.
I admire you so greatly…
Your strength of character, because we both know how much it’s been tested recently. Your ability for forgiveness, because we both know I need it.. a lot. Your unending ability to love me, because we both know it’s not been easy.
I don’t know how you’ve done it. How you’ve become such an amazing person.
But you have, and beyond my admiration of you, I make sure that I know exactly how lucky I am.
This morning I finally admitted to you that you had exactly 100% of my heart. That I could say that, without any fear, because I knew you won’t hurt me. I have fallen so desperately in love with you, and I am so glad I have let myself let go more than I ever have before.
And now, because I am not straight, not bisexual, not anymore… I’m beginning to see the other side of it. I talked to my dad today. About you.
I haven’t had much towards a conversation about you, mostly just dancing around the subject as much as my dad is comfortable with… And that’s exactly as far as it’s gone.
The conversation today left me feeling… a little bit of a disappointment to him. I know he loves me, but I fear that this may be a little bit much for him. I mean, I guess it was fine when I told him (On Christmas Day, no less) that I didn’t believe in god anymore. But, I guess me being a lesbian is a little bit much for him to handle.
Or like the other day, when your mom introduced me to her hispanic friend from work as your ‘friend’.
And I understand that you’re used to it… You’ve been through this song and dance before, but honestly? I am so not used to being completely unaccepted simply because of who I am. Especially not by my dad.
I mean, for the first time in my life, I’ve actually promised monogamy to someone, and been confident that I will actually follow through with it. For the first time in my life, I feel that I am being true to who I am, and am living the life that I want to live…
Isn’t that something to be proud of? Even if it’s not something that you agree with?
I’m starting to see the world that you’ve told me exists out there. Some people just really have a serious problem with two girls being together.
And in my simple, everything-is-happy world that I used to live in, I couldn’t comprehend that. It was so utterly baffling to me that someone might have a problem with how I live my own life. I mean, I don’t put my nose in their business and get all up in arms about how they live their life, so I just… Didn’t. Get It.
I’m starting to now… I mean, today going for car insurance, I was asked if I was single or married. Ahh, Ms. Car Insurance Lady… If there were only a simple way to answer that question.
I mean, I’m single, by your standards. But actually I plan to spend the rest of my life with this beautiful woman sitting next to me, but we’re not actually allowed to get married, by your standards, because some people have a problem with it. And so no, I am not married, because you won’t let me. So yes, please charge me more for freaking CAR INSURANCE. (Because, you know, married 22 year olds drive so much more responsibly than non-married 22 year olds.)
The world is so unfair, and as I am beginning to see this, beginning to live it for real… I just feel utterly lucky to have the strongest person I’ve ever met by my side…. And kicking my ass when I need it.
I am ultimately the luckiest girl in the world to have the girl of my dreams fighting the world with me. I am so lucky to have found a person so amazing, a love so pure and true.
Most people spend their whole lives looking for that person.. Wondering if they’re even out there. And here I am, getting to spend my every night with you. Getting to breathe you in every day, soaking up every minute I get to spend with you. Basking in the wonder of your presence.
And… At the end of the day, I am still coming home to you. At the end of the day, your love is all I really ever need. At the end of the day, I am completely in love with you…
And whether, as I’ve previously told you, I am introduced as your friend still 20 years from now… Or whether I get to be introduced as your wife.
I don’t care. In the scope of the things, when it comes to our love, the only thing that matters to me is that I get to love you. I get to go home every night and get the best snuggles with The One. The perfect one for me.
As you said, times aren’t always going to be peachy, but I am so willing to fight the world, as long as you’re by my side. Because I am so much stronger with you by my side. You bring out the best in me…
I love you. Thank you.
I can’t say it any other way and it still doesn’t do any justice…
And even though you probably won’t read this, I don’t care. This is me letting my blood run on the screen, in black and white. This is me letting my thoughts roam, if just for a moment. This is me, letting you know how I feel. The only way I know how…