Week 6, abbreviated

Hey, my gorgeous Quarter of an Inch Quasimbryo!

So, I figured out my Due Date, and calculated what that meant my current gestational age of my baby was.. Today, I am 7 weeks along. I was about 4 days off.. So, I’m taking week six, which was really only about 3 days long and abbreviating it.

I don’t know if I’m going to get full-blown morning sickness. I still get nauseous.

Okay, I wrote that yesterday. And I’ve been throwing up the irony ever since. I’m still not getting sick ALL the time. But I’m getting sick WAAAY more than I was even 2 days ago. Like, yesterday I walked into my place of work, was called into the back where our owner was making some pulled pork.
I was sitting there. Smelling the pork. Trying not to throw up. But seriously, why does the pork smell so bad? Did he poop in it too? Pork? EWWW. I ran to the bathroom while we were all sitting there talking and ralphed up  everything in my stomach.

Man, I love being pregnant. SO. MUCH. FUN.

And when did driving around start smelling so bad. I can smell the road now? Or the cars? I can smell the pollution produced from the cars? I don’t know. But it’s effing gross. I don’t want to drive around anymore. I’ll just fly/teleport my pregnant, super-sensitive smelling ass everywhere.

And then there’s times when the smell is so bad, so completely stomach turning that I can’t even smell it. What the hell? No, seriously. Like my boyfriend and I walked into the apartment the other day, and he was like, DAMN, it smells like pee in here. I couldn’t smell it. At all. Which is probably a good thing in all likelihood.

I’m definitely the pregnant girl that never needs to go too long without eating something. That seems to make it worse.

This week your face kind of started taking shape. Your jaws, cheeks, and chin started forming. Your ear canals are just teeny indentations on the side of your head, and little black dots are the beginnings of your eyes. YaY!

You’re a whole quarter of an inch this week. (And by the end of week 7, which I’m technically in, you’re a whole HALF A FREAKING INCH) Omigod. So awesome. You’re getting so big, so fast.

I’ve talked to some of my friends who have kids already, and I told one of them my …concern. When I think about my due date, July 4th, and I think about that it’s not even Thankgiving yet, it feels like I’m going to be pregnant FOREVER. FOR…EV…ER…

Yeah, she kind of told me that yup. That’s exactly what it feels like too. Especially around months 7 or 8, when you’re kind of already pretty big. yeah… Which only seems like a dream upon a dream. Month 8? NAH. I’m not even at WEEK 8, are you kidding? I’ll never see month 8.

But next week is week 8, which at week 4 also seemed like forever away. And I’ll be out of my first trimester a few days before Christmas (YAAAAAAY!) And before I know it, I’ll blink and I’ll be hearing your heartbeat for the first time, and I’ll blink again, and you’ll be kicking for the first time. And before I know it, you’ll be here. I’m just trying to really take this pregnancy thing one day at a time. Not really looking to the future. I want to treasure every second that you’re growing inside of me. Something that won’t happen again.

I’m wondering a lot more what you’re gonna be like. Will you be a big strong boy (with a HUGE melon) like your daddy, or will you be a prissy little girl, like your mommy. What’s your personality going to be like? What color will your eyes be?

All these questions, I can’t WAIT to find out. But I can wait to meet you. Just keep growing, my beautiful baby. I’ll keep doing whatever I can to make sure that you’re taken care of.

Your daddy and I love you very, very much.

Love,

Mommy.

Dear Quasimbryo… (Week 5)

(Yes, I totally stole Quasimbryo from Amalah’s pregnancy ‘walk-through’, called Zero to Forty, which I think is so adorably clever.)

My dear future baby,

You’re officially an embryo this week. YaY! You’re growing so fast. Not a lot has changed from this week and the last one. I’m officially pregnant, according to the government who gave me an OFFICIAL PEE TEST. Which was a little entertaining. I have a paper saying I am POSATIVEly pregnant. (I have no idea what posative means. Perhaps close to positive? Maybe I’m so pregnant, that it warranted the making up of a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORD.)

So yeah… Still kind of crazy to think that in 8 months, I’m going to be a mommy. The due date, as figured on one of those super high tech scrolly wheel things, said you’d be here on July 4th. My own little 4th of July baby.
(I did always think that the 4th of July was the awesomest Holiday ever, behind Christmas. But who wants to be born on Christmas?)

Your daddy and I have been thinking of ways to get us, and our house, ready for you. Sure we have plenty of time, but I really want to get the ball rolling now. We’re probably going to move into a real actual house. And when we do that? NOTHING CAN STOP ME from making your nursery. I think the fact that I can’t point to the place that we’ve planned to put all of your crap, oh yeah, and you too, makes me somewhat nervous. I want to be ready NOW for you. Which is a weird feeling, seeing as how I’m TOTALLY not that girl. I’m never prepared for anything, and I NEVER have a plan. So, it feels good to want to make everything perfect for you already.
Oh well, I guess I shall have to exercise patience this time.

Umm… Don’t even think about looking at pictures of you right now. You know those drawing things that they have all over the internet? “WHAT YOUR BABY LOOKS LIKE”. Umm…. Note to self: YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW.
It’s like a cross between a tadpole and an alien. And it’s the size of a raisin? Seriously, at this point, my quasimbryo? You could star in a scary/horror movie.
IT’S JUST NOT RIGHT! *runs away screaming*
But, good news is always around the corner. Next week, you start to actually look like a human-tadpole rather than an alien one. How exciting?!

More heartburn this week. Less nausea, but still some. Which I am totally expecting to get worse within the next couple of weeks. I can’t sleep, which is really aggravating, considering I’m ALWAYS exhausted. These hormones must be doing something to my legs, and my restless leg syndrome is just getting worse.

But you’re still in there, and you’re still growing. And in 8 months from today, you will be here (probably not, but you’re supposed to be).

I love you, little Alien/Tadpole/Raisin/Thing.

Love,

Mommy

Writing by the moonlight…

It’s so frustrating. Being so exhausted, to the point my head hurts, yet unable to calm my mind long enough to get to a place where I can actually rest.

Bouts of ‘morning’ sickness (a cruel name for the word, that makes me think that 1:00am trips to the toilet are somehow strange and should not happen. Since it’s MORNING sickness, right? Wrong. We should rename it. Seriously.) have kept me up, when I really, really, really really, NO! REALLY want to be sleeping.

But, I’m up. My stomach is empty. And I am totally okay with that. (You can’t puke it up if it’s not in there. Ha! Watch me outsmart you, Non-Morning Sickness)

Random thoughts (completely separate from the ones above):

~I keep thinking about what kind of mother I’m going to be. And I going to be mean? Am I going to be stern? Am I going to be a cool mom, or am I going to be a nazi mom? Are my kids going to grow up talking about how they have the best mom ever?

~It feels like the past week and two days since I found out for certain that I actually am pregnant have just drruuuuuug by. Like it really should have been more like 2 weeks instead. And I’m only at week 5? And I have how many more weeks to go? 35???

Holy shit, I am in for one hell of a ride.

~I keep thinking about my sister, especially since I got pregnant. She is considerably older than me, and she used to be a huge part of my life, but I haven’t kept in contact with her since I stopped talking to my mom. She has 2 kids, her oldest is 16. As in, a freaking teenager. I seriously can’t believe it. I remember holding her when she was a baby. I remember her making me christmas ornaments when she was in preschool. And she’s SIXTEEN!? What?!?!?

~By the way, Christmas is coming up. I’m pretty pumped about this, since it’s my first Christmas as a pregnant lady. Everyone in my family will definitely know by then, and I’m kind of excited. (Though, there not the type of family to be overly excited about an out-of-wedlock child. But I’m also not the type to give a damn.)

~Speaking of Christmas, Christmas Day officially will mark the end of my First Trimester/The beginning of my Second. I think that’s kind of freaking awesome.

~Hold up… I have to poop. This is a pretty momentous occasion as of late, so I’m going to go. (Ahh.. the joys of pregnancy)

I’m sure there was a point to this post, but I can’t think of it right now. I was probably just trying to waste time until I can fall asleep again. (Shhh… heartburn. I’d like to fall asleep sometime this century.)

Now it gets real..

I almost flipped my shit yesterday. By almost? I mean totally did.

You see, I guess this whole pregnancy thing is like PMS, only on STEROIDS, for my emotions. I have been nothing but up and down for the past few days. Everything either annoys me, makes me wanna cry, or I love it. A lot.

I am not what you’d call ‘well-off’. So, I am going to need some serious help to be able to afford those silly (but unbelievably expensive) doctor’s appointments, hospital bills, oh and don’t forget the labs or ultrasounds aren’t included in that price. DUH. You silly, first-time pregnant woman.

Are you kidding me? I got off the phone with the doctor’s office, after finding out the prices and what not, and I relayed the message to my boyfriend.

Hey, Honey? Did you know babies are expensive? FROM THE GET-GO?! What the hell..

I don’t know what I was expecting. If I was expecting them to be like, Oh? You’re poor? Oh, it’s perfectly okay. We’ll take care of you and your baby FOR FREE. Don’t you worry your sweet little pregnant head, dearie.

When that didn’t happen, I decided (Whatever, I totally didn’t, it was all my boyfriend who had the sense of uncrazy to recommend it) to sign up for medicaid.

Well, applying for medicaid requires proof of pregnancy from a doctor’s office, or the health department. And HAHA! Good luck even getting someone ON THE PHONE at the health department.

I left a message with them. I tried to call doctor’s offices, but they don’t do that. I got a tip from someone else to go to this one place, and it’s real easy, just pee in a cup, and you’re golden. And then we get there and they’re all NOO we don’t do that because we’re bitches.

OH MY GOSH, I swear I almost hurt someone. You’re fucking with a tired, pregnant woman right now. I don’t recommend that.

My poor boyfriend has got to be the most patient, understanding, sweetest boyfriend in the world. How in the hell he is going to stick around for the next 8ish months? It’s beyond me. He must really love me or something, because I am a raving bitch. Seriously.

So, we went to walmart to look at baby stuff. That calmed me down so much. Because in the middle of all the ‘how in the HELL are we going to afford to have a baby’ freaking out, I think I forgot what this is all about. It’s about bringing a little human thing into this world that has part of me, and part of its daddy.
It’s a little bit weird to thing about still, that in a year I will have a brand-new baby, and I will have pushed it out of my hoo-ha, and I will be able to love it, and cuddle with it.
Driving home from walmart, it just felt so real to me. That this is what it’s going to be like. There will be struggles, there will be really hard times, but that’s not what it’s all about. It’s about that baby, that’s growing inside of me right now. It’s about me and the man that I love making it.
It’s about the good stuff too.

Dear my beautiful blastocyst, (Week 4)

You are apparently a blastocyst right now. I know, I like to refer to you as my baby already, even though you still only look like an incredibly tiny tadpole, and are about as big as a poppy seed.

Awesome.

You’re growing so fast right now, and I’m still in disbelief that you’re actually growing inside of me. Though the heartburn, breast tenderness, and random bouts of nausea that very seldomly lead to anything but dry heaving are making it slightly easier to come to terms with your actual existence.

I guess I just don’t feel very pregnant yet. Yesterday, after I got the positive pregnancy test, I just kept going back to look at it. Like, Yes. It’s still true. Don’t worry, that wasn’t a weird dream. You still are pregnant.

I mean, I’m terribly bloated. Like, DEAR LOARD, when did I get so friggin’ fat? Am I showing already? No? Not even possible? Are you sure? Cuz, holy crap I am fat ALL OF THE SUDDEN.

You’re scheduled to be here sometime around the middle of July, which means you will be a cancer. Just like me…Your poor father. Having to deal with two cancers in one household.

The hardest part of it all so far? Working.
I work in a bar. A smoke-filled bar, at that. And the one smell so far that has sent me to the bathroom more than anything else? Smoke. Awesome… the next few months should be fun.

At this point, all I am is miserable, and I know it’s only going to get worse from here. I’m only at week 4, and I hear that the nausea really sets in at about 6 or 7 weeks.
But I know during all of it, during the morning sickness, during the endless trips to the bathroom, during all of it, it’ll all be worth it in the end. Because you’ll be here, with us. And if this is what I have to go through to meet you, to see you? To hold you?
I am totally okay with that.

Your daddy and I were cleaning the house yesterday, and listening to old records that he has, and this song came on. It so perfectly said everything that I feel for you. For him. For the family we’re creating.

Because, I’ll be there for you.

Forever and Always.

You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I’ll be there

I’ll reach out my hand to you, I’ll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I’ll be there

I’ll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you, I’m so glad that I found you
I’ll be there with a love that’s strong
I’ll be your strength, I’ll keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that’s all I’m after
Whenever you need me, I’ll be there
I’ll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and I’ll be there

If you should ever find someone new, I know he’d better be good to you
‘Cause if he doesn’t, I’ll be there
Don’t you know, baby, yeah yeah
I’ll be there, I’ll be there, just call my name, I’ll be there

(Just look over your shoulders, honey – oo)

I’ll be there, I’ll be there, whenever you need me, I’ll be there
Don’t you know, baby, yeah yeah

I’ll be there, I’ll be there, just call my name, I’ll be there…

I’ll be there – Jackson 5 (on Imeem)

Love,

Mommy