(Thanks, Lise for the post idea.) It’s true that I will never ask B to marry me. I won’t do it.
I am all about Feminism, and women being strong, and fighting the stereotypes.
But in this area, I suppose I’m a traditionalist. And not for the sake of traditionalism. There are actually reasons that I don’t want to propose to B.
1.) I’ve dreamed of being proposed to since…I don’t know, I met him? He’s always said he wants to go all out and make a huge scene, and you know what? I want a huge scene. I’ve been wondering for 3 1/2 years how he’s going to do it, and if I propose to him, how will I ever know?
And plus, how do you propose to a guy? Wouldn’t it be the opposite of romantic? Like, “Hey, how would you feel about getting married.” “Alright.”
And a scene like that doesn’t belong in a romantic movie, or a Hallmark Card, or as my engagement story. B’s parents had an engagement story like that, and their marriage was the most passionless marriage I’ve ever heard of.
2.) B is a man’s man. He’s masculine, he walks into Victoria Secret grunting and saying “I eat raw meat. I am man. Raaa.” He’s a very dominant type personality too, he doesn’t like being told what to do, he doesn’t like being forced to do something, whether he wants to do it or not. I don’t think me proposing to him would sit well. Not because he wouldn’t want it to happen, but because I’d be the one taking the control, something I never do. I am not alpha female, I am who I am. And I am not a girl that gets down on one knee because she’s impatient.
Besides, when I asked him what he would do if I proposed to him, “You can’t, you’re a girl.” (He’s not really that chauvinistic, he half meant it, and half was being funny. When we first got together, he would say stuff like that and I would get all huffy and try and argue with him, being the proud feminist that I am. He found this endlessly entertaining, and since I’ve just learned to laugh with him.)
But his head-strong, dominant ways are a huge reason why I love him.
3.) The most important one. I want him to make the decision. If it were up to me, we’d have been married 2 years ago. And I know we’re not ready. Both of us come from divorced families (Mine multiple times. My mom is on her 6th marriage. My dad’s only been married and divorced twice.)
I want to get married when it’s right. I don’t want to force it because I’m impatient.
I want him to make the choice and get down on one knee and ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. I don’t want to do it for him. I want him to do it when he’s ready. When he’s sure he wants to make the commitment. And that’s not to say that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with me now, I’m sure he does. It’s the gesture, and the thought he’d put into that shows that he really would.
So, that’s my answer. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I have to do it the way it’s right for me. I would applaud any woman that has enough ‘balls’ (for lack of a better term) to propose to her man. I’m not saying that it’s wrong, or against nature or anything (I would never say anything like that.) I’m just saying that it’s not for me. Sometimes I wish that was the type of woman I was, but then I realize that that’s not the type of woman that B fell in love with. The most important times of my life, I feel I need to hold true to who I am in all situations. And this, in my opinion, is one of those times.
(Now, that being said, I am definitely a sort of head-strong woman. A guy that I work with wants a woman that will stay home, and bear his children. One that doesn’t want her own career. To that, I say, WHAT THE HELL. I want to become a lawyer, I want to work a while before I have children. I want to have children, and stay home with them during the first part of their lives, and then go back to work. My potential career is very important to me, and I wouldn’t give it up if B asked me to. Which he definitely wouldn’t. Again, he likes that I have dreams and aspirations for myself, and they don’t include being a slave to him.)
What about you guys? Would you propose to your man? (Lisa, I already know your answer. 
) Would you wait for him to propose? Why or Why not?
I like your answers. I like how you want to remain true to who you are, which I think is so important. It’s easy to lose one’s self in a relationship. Kudos to you for knowing what you want, and being patient enough to get it.
Numbers 1 and 2 aren’t true for me but number 3 is, to an extent. I guess under different circumstances I would have considered proposing to Torsten, but I wouldn’t have been happy about it. I wanted to be proposed to and the moment when it happened remains one of the best in my memory. I love my ring. I love that he offered it to me when he asked me to spend my life with him. We already knew we were getting married–the proposal was a formality. And both of us wanted it to happen the way it did.
No, I wouldn’t propose. I’m a traditionalist as well, in that respect. I want the romantic, perfect proposal most girls dream of. I want him to know that he wants to spend forever with me, pick out the perfect ring and think of all the right things to say. I’m a total, completely hopeless romantic.
no i don’t think i could. simply because i’ve always been on the insecure side (although i’m slowly but surely working on it!) and a proposal would make me feel really confident in my relationship – that he really was READY.
I wouldn’t propose to B. I have already told him I want to marry him, I am not one to play games or hide how I feel. He knows what I want. Some of my reasons as the same as above. He wouldn’t want me to do it, he is the dominant one and a man’s man. And, like you said, I would have married him a couple of years ago. I am waiting for him to be ready. I know he will be, it will just be on his time frame.
good answer, particularly number 3. I’m just hugely against traditions that assign gender roles, that’s all. But I totally accept other people’s views!
I’m impatient so I might be tempted, but ultimately, I don’t think I could. I want to be asked. I want to know HE’S ready.
Not like I actually have a man to propose to, but if I did, I wouldn’t.
Why? Because deep down inside I am hopelessly insecure and would be totally convinced he would say “No.”
At least I’m up-front about being damaged
I’ve always been the one to step up and ask a guy out. I’m just not the “read my mind” or “figure me out” kind of a person. Guys don’t expect it, and find my boldness rather appealing (if I may say so myself) (ding!)
So I probably would.
I could never do it, I guess it’s the whole rejection factor. But I agree with you any girl who has the cajones to do – all the power to her.
#1 – is oh so true, for me anyways. I always dreamed of the fairy tale, prince charming coming in & getting down on one knee. My story wasn’t quite as romantic, my husband asked me to marry him after we had been dating 6 months. We had a fight & I was 18 and not ready to settle down. I said NO. Our relationship was rocky to say the least, it took him 6 years & a lot of nagging on my part but finally asked again. And I married him a week later. Sometimes things just work out. I think you’ll have your princess moment very soon!
I don’t know. At this point in my life, I can’t see myself proposing. I’ve never dreamed of the proposal part of my life, but I know lots of people who have. I like the idea of a guy doing it though. It’s funny, why does saying that make me feel guilty? Like I’m letting down my gender? I suppose I would counter with saying that the fact that I COULD propose to someone and it not be considered insanely bizarre is a testament to how the times they are a changing…
I really enjoyed this post– I thought it was really insightful, and I liked that you actually considered the answer, rather than just snapping back with a yes or no.
I don’t think I would. Part of it is neuroses– I’m very much about putting on the independent face, and I worry about being seen as one of “those girls”… the ones who can’t leave their guy alone– so, same as you, I would be too scared that he isn’t ready, and I wouldn’t want him to think that I was too eager!
(does that even make sense?)
Oo, what a great post and what a great question!
And my answer would be exactly the same as yours! I want to be proposed to and I would probably be impatient too if I was with a man that I knew I wanted to make such an awesome commitment to.
Knowing myself, I would probably drop hints, maybe even create perfect opportunities for him to pop the question, but ultimately I would want him to do the asking.
It would be weird proposing. Just plain weird. Now hinting about wanting to be married? Multiple times? That’s a totally different story.
hmm well i have a different take on this because i’m most likely not going to marry a man, but a woman….and i already know that i’ll be the one to propose to her.
but i’m ok with that because i will just pick out both of our rings.
however, i think to each his/her own and who is to say what is the right or wrong way to do it?
I’ve been proposed to twice, so I speak with some authority (or I’m just really, really pathetic), and while I think the notion of the surprise and grandiose proposal is nice? I also think that it’s SUCH a huge decision that it should be made together. I also think it might be fun to say, “Hey, what do you want to do this weekend?” “Get married?” “Ok!”.
I’m totally kidding about that, by the way.