At my interview last week, during one of the more atrocious moments, one of the main teachers in the department asked me a rather interesting question after I had shared with them my situation. I told them how I was sending my boyfriend through college, and was hoping to get a better job, a bigger challenge between now and when I go to college. It seemed to be pertinent information, and I didn’t really see a problem with it. (I still don’t either.)
The very next question was, “Would you mind sticking around for a few minutes afterwards so we can talk you out of sending your boyfriend through college first?”
I laughed it off, said she wasn’t the first to say something like that to me. Everyone else laughed as well. I wanted to remain upbeat, and pleasant, opting to hide my very seriously problem I had with someone who was on the committee that decides whether or not to hire me ask me such a question.
My mind raced afterwards. What business is it of her’s? They don’t know me, they don’t know B. She had no right to ask me that.
Of course I was angry, I felt I’d been attacked, personally. Like they didn’t approve of me, and felt like making a joke of the remainder of my interview seemed like just as good idea as any.
But after talking with friends, — some older, more mature, and wiser, than I — I am less angry.
It’s true. When I get questions about the path I’m taking, choosing to send B through college first, I am met with a lot of disapproval. People who are jaded, damaged to the point that they’re cynical, pessimistic. People who think they’ve seen it all, and know what they’re talking about.
And that’s not to say that they don’t. I’m sure they think that the way I’m headed, I’ll only get disappointment. They think that there are no men with good intentions, and no relationships that last.
I never waver, hesitate, or even doubt for a second. I know B, I know our love. I know our situation, and I know that this is the most logical choice for us. It’d be easier to send him through 2 years of school and have him work on a College Graduate’s salary, than me spend 4 years in school, all the while both of us struggling because there are no real opportunities for people in fields that we’re good at without college degrees.
I know this. They don’t. And really, I can’t blame them. They’re only speaking from experience. They’re only speaking from a very jilted place, where life does nothing but shit on you, and then you die.
I am very well aware of the risks. Very aware of the possibilities that things might not work out the way we’ve planned. I understand the very real risks, the chances I’m taking.
But I can’t sit on the sidelines, hoping life drops into my lap. I can’t let a few risks hold me back from the life that we want. What kind of life would we have if we let the unknown keep us from everything we’ve ever wanted?!
That’s not living, at least not by my definitions.
Think about what we wouldn’t have if we let uncertainty, and the fear of it, dictate our actions. America wouldn’t exist, the founding fathers could have just sat at home, instead of challenging their king and his army. There would be no Independence Days anywhere! There would be no love, no adventure, no excitement!
The thing is, while there is a very real possibility that B might leave me after he graduates, and that I’m not guaranteed that he’ll stay with me afterwards. Then again, I’m not guaranteed tomorrow. I’m not guaranteed anything out of life. Who’s to say that either of us will be here tomorrow, 10 days, 10 years!?
Life does throw a lot of curve balls, but life is not made from our decisions when we’re safe in the security of 100% certainty. Life is made when we do things we’re not supposed to. When we date our brother’s crushes, when we go out on a limb, put ourselves at risk, and just go for it!
THAT is life. I never want to know a life that I’m never taking chances, never going for the big interview when I probably won’t get it. When I’m never kissing the boy that I’m not supposed to; Never risking all, simply because I might lose.
This is why I just laugh when I get questions like these. Because I feel sorry for them. They’ve settled into a safe life, into a risk-free agreement; but are they getting any joy out of it?
My philosophy with love was the saying, “Laugh like no one’s listening, Dance like no one’s watching, and Love like you’ve never been hurt before.” It’s the same philosophy I have with life. If you feel like dancing, DANCE. If you feel like running through sprinklers, DO IT!
I skate on my shopping carts through the parking lot. I belt out songs in my car. I do things without knowing how first. Sure I might make a fool of myself, but at least I’ll learn from it!
I still get scared like everyone else, that’s not the difference. It’s not letting your fear control you.
Don’t ever be afraid to take a chance, to just jump in with everything you have. Sure you might come up empty, but what if you get everything you’ve ever dreamed of?!
Sure I might have my heart broken, or be left at an inconvenient time. But what if we actually pull this off? What if we not only get everything we’ve been working for this whole time, but we also get to tell them that it is possible. Love really can conquer all, and dreams really do come true. I might sound like an idealist, but I’d rather be an idealist any day than a cynic.
Here’s to throwing caution to the wind. Here’s to the exhilaration of the unknown. Here’s to love. Here’s to adventure, excitement, and spending it all with the one person who gets you best.
You know sometimes I worry that I’m going to become one of those people you mention. But then I find myself reading a post like this and allowing myself to be convinced that even if all evidence suggests that life is crappy etc etc that there is always that one time that it won’t be. There’s always an exception.
And why shouldn’t it you be the exception? I’m rambling. But, I just wanted to say that I really, really loved this post.
This post makes a lot of sense to me. I’m happy that you are happy with your choices- isn’t that what matters in the end? Though I don’t know if anyone who questions your choice coming from a jilted, awful place. Perhaps it’s just curiosity? Either way, I’m happy for you!
I’m with Hope. You already know the kind of games life likes to play with me. But I keep on trucking anyway (why? I don’t know.) Thank you for the inspiration though – it’s so important not to forget.
I just don’t understand why some people take it upon themselves to judge others. It’s your life and I say do what you want and what is going to make you happy
To be honest, if I were, say, your mother, I’d be a little concerned because you’re making a sacrifice that could come around to bite you in the ass. And a mother is in a position where she’s allowed to have that kind of concern. A job interviewer? Not so much.
i wish my ex (?) had this attitude. she is so afraid of throwing caution to the wind and i am just like you –
“But I can’t sit on the sidelines, hoping life drops into my lap. I can’t let a few risks hold me back from the life that we want.”
i couldn’t have said it better myself
I love how people always get convinced that others are taking advantage of you somehow. I find it more insulting that they would think me naive than good-intentioned.
..where life does nothing but shit on you, and then you die.
that probably wasn’t meant to be funny, but i’m laughing anyway. and yours and b’s relationship/love? is really inspiring. SLASH i want a bf who’s as supportive of me as you are of one another! lol
I guess when it feels like all is else fails – just believe in what tomorrow will bring. Come what may it will be good