A different chapter

Do it. You chicken, you just gonna let her walk outta here? Without even telling her something so important? Do it. Do it! Do it!!

I have out-of-body-ish experiences in times like this. I’m such a chicken, that in order to get the really brave thing done that I need to get done, specifically when I’m breaking some serious news to someone who may have a bad reaction to it.

So, I did it. I told her that I just couldn’t do it anymore. 4+ weeks of 70-80 hours? It’d pretty much done me in.

She took it rather well. Perhaps because she was expecting it, perhaps because she’d been spying on me, I’ll never know.

After she left, I kept thinking. That was it?! That’s what I was so scared of?! Piece. Of. Cake.

Of course, I’m pretty sure I was still in some sort of shock. Though I’m not even sure why. It’s just quitting a job. Quitting a job under amicable circumstances. This shouldn’t be such a big deal.

But it is, because every thing’s a big deal for me. Even small deals are big deals for me.

It wasn’t until later, when relaying the information that I’d put in my notice to my long time work friend, that I was suddenly overcome with the reality of it.

In a few weeks, I won’t work at The Hotel anymore. I’ve worked for 2 years at The Hotel. How can I possibly not work at The Hotel one day?!

Then my brain started churning over and over all the things that I’m going to miss, and all of the things that I’m not going to miss.

I’ll just say that one list is way fucking slightly longer than the other. I’ll leave you to guess which one.

I guess I just don’t do change well. I’m a routine kind of person. Even if routine means 12+ hour days, then so be it. That’s just the way it is. And for some inexplicable reason, I’m changing my routine.

Woah. Umm… Why didn’t someone let me know sooner that PUTTING IN NOTICE also means I’M QUITTING. Or that all this talk I’ve been doing for over a year about how much I want to quit? MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF I QUIT.

Seriously. Would’ve been nice to know.

But I suppose I’m starting to handle it. While part of me is a little concerned of all the freedom I’ll have. You know… Having weekends. And evenings. And my birthday. All off without having to ask for them. The other part of me is happy.

This hotel has been such a part of my life for so long now. Without me even realizing it, I’ve spent 2 years of my life working here. And while not every day was bad, most of them were. While there were parts of my job that I enjoyed, most of it I didn’t.

So, It’s a little scary, but this chapter has lasted way too long. And it’s time.  I’m so happy that another, better chapter is starting. While it may be the safe, comfortable answer to continue this chapter, and I know most everything it has in store; I’m looking forward to the surprises and challenges that the next chapter holds.

Just a bit of dreaming…

I feel like for the first time, in a very, very long time, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. And if I just sit still for once, something great might just happen.

This July, I will be 22. That’s 2 years away from the age my father said to wait to get married, and it’s one year away from the age that I wanted to get married at.  It doesn’t take too much imagination to think that I may be working there in 2 years. While Drew graduates. And when he proposes. And while we plan our wedding.

I don’t want to tempt The Universe or anything, who we all know has it out for us.

It’s just that, that thought? Makes me really, really happy.