In your eyes

To my friend,

I’m sorry I’ve been so … mean lately. You don’t deserve it. You’re a great guy, and you don’t deserve the PMS, cranky mess I’ve been lately. I’ve been spoiling your moods, and I’m normally such a positive aspect in your life, and I’ve been nothing but a poison to you.

I guess I just wanted to tell you how much I like you. You’re just a pure, honest, caring, giving person. I don’t think in a million years that I could ever repay you for all you’ve given to me. To be honest, this is something I literally hadn’t come to me until I just now thought about it. I know I can be forceful with you, I know I can sometimes treat you like you don’t know any better. I don’t mean to, but in my own way, that’s my way of attempting to repay you for being such a great friend.

Telling what you need to hear, forcing you to eat chips when you definitely need them, and speaking poorly about someone you care about is my way of trying to give back for all you’ve given to us. I know that’s impossible, but I have to at least try. It’s not that I don’t want you to be happy, it’s just that it’s exactly the opposite. I know because of the person you are, you have the chance to have the happiness that B and I do; not to be with someone who has treated you with less consideration than you’ve treated her. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you could experience a minute of what I know is possible for you, you’d see what I see.

But I know that you’re an adult, and what I’m working on right now is realizing that you’re an adult, and you can, and will, make your own mistakes. Actually, because of the person you are, you would make those mistakes, and do everything you can, and then some to make it work, no matter what.

I’m working on it though. Not because I want to be proven right, but because it’s the right thing to do. For a friend.
~QueenBee

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B,

I’ve had a hard month now. Just the past couple of weeks have seemed like a complete struggle just to make it to the end of the day. And last night, I was a complete bitch. Filing for my taxes, stress from work coming to a head, exhaustion, and PMS ALL added in together; I was a bitch. A whiny, cranky bitch. And while some would’ve just put up with it, given me what I wanted; but you just got mad at me. And what does a cranky person do when they realize their fits and crankiness aren’t getting them anywhere? They stop doing it.

But, as a result to my crankiness, I’d severely pissed you off. So, I cried. Bawled. It was one of those ways of crying that I was crying baseball-sized tear, and crying so hard I could hardly breathe. In fact, it was one of those cries I feel like I only cry when I’m drunk, and we get in a fight. But I guess severe exhaustion isn’t much different than a few martinis, is it?

Tonight, coming home to you, looking into your eyes as you held me, I knew everything that I needed to know in that moment. I suppose PMS leaves me very self-conscious, very scared, and I suppose I needed to hear a bunch of validating compliments from you. I was getting a little bit down when even my compliment fishing didn’t work. That is, until I looked into your eyes, for just a moment, and saw everything that I’d been searching for.

Thank you for loving me that much. For always remaining stubborn and strong to who you are, but also willing to give me everything I’d ever need, even when I don’t know it’s what I need.

Forever your’s,
~TheGF

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Dear Body,

First off, you’ve been really great at putting up with my lack of sleep this past month. But this whole waking up at 5am without letting me the chance to go back to sleep? Really. REALLY. Not. Cool.

I was even going to sleep in today. I was going to allow myself the opportunity *gasp* SLEEP IN this morning. But, just like yesterday, 4:55am on the dot, I’m awake. Can’t go back to sleep. At least last night I went to sleep before midnight, but that’s still NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Especially when I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO. What part of FIVE AM makes you think that I want to wake up? Because whatever it is, or whatever you happen to think it is? Let me assure you, IT DEFINITELY IS NOT.

kthxbai.

Your other half.